Crap cannon

You know those times when things get so goddamn bad that it just turns into a joke? Yeah, that's about where I am right now. Please allow me to explain... and pardon the jumbled nature of all this - this has been one of the longest and shittiest days of my life... but at least it's funny!!!

First off, If you've been reading this blog since the beginning you'll recall that I lost my debit card in Thailand and Chase Bank is far from helpful in such predicaments. They wouldn't send me the card overseas so I had it sent to my brother's house and he had to FedEx it to me for $50. So, I got my new card but they didn't let me know that they changed the PIN. They won't tell me the new PIN over the phone, but they were more than happy to inform me that they would send it in an envelope to my brother's house and it would arrive in eight to ten business days.

So I woke up today at 5AM India time and took a flight to London, had a five hour layover, now I'm in the Zurich airport about 10 miles outside the city. I've been up for almost 23 hours and, needless to say, I'm jetlagged as hell - so much so that my left eye is totally bloodshot. So here I am, in Zurich and I'm totally broke, no way to get money. I can't use an ATM and all of the stores in the airport use PINs. There was one money changer but, go figure, their credit card machine was down. I can't take the train into town because I have to use a PIN for that too. So I'm stuck in the Zurich airport with no money and no way to leave. There's a Radisson next door but a room is $300, which I can't afford. So I'll be sleeping on the tile tonight... and I don't know what I'm going to do when security wakes me up in the morning since I'll, still, have no money and no way to get around. One of my team members from India is actually in Zurich right now and she gave me her number but I can't figure out how to use the phones to call her.

But that's not all! Oh, no! There's icing on this cake of misery! All the things that I just mentioned wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I got my heart seriously broken no less than 30 hours ago. So even with all these practical problems the only thing I can think about is the fucked up love situation. I really want to go into detail about that whole debacle but I would probably regret it later. But I'm kind of glad that this combination of heartache and standedness is happening while I'm so tired, otherwise I wouldn't be able to appreciate the pathetic humor.

I wanted so hard, this summer, to step outside of myself and get a different perspective - the big picture, you know? For a little bit there, I thought that I did. But now, just hours after a tearful farewell to the orphans at Shelter House, the only thing I can think about is myself. And here I am backpacking through Europe, an opportunity that most people will never have, and all I can do is feel sorry for myself and want to go home. It's all very embarrassing. It's disgusting, really. Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking, but I'm feeling very ashamed of myself right now.

Sorry... maybe this isn't funny anymore.